Life
So much of today's problems are based on displacement. The number one stressors in life are moving, death, divorce, starting a new job, and the reason those issues stress us so much is because we lose our psychological foundations of security.
Marriage is an interesting topic in this context. Human behavior has evolved so that in pairing, we provide a foundation for a family, but in modern reality, this foundation is destroyed more often than not which is devastating to the entire family. So from an engineering perspective, this is a really bad idea because we are planning to probably hurt everyone really badly. Humans are wildly jealous, and jealousy is a kind of violence. Our fear of having our partner taken by someone else is a primal survival fear. Humans are not always monogamous, so we fear something that sometimes happens, which makes it a valid fear, it's important to be honest about this. Granted, many couples trust each other unconditionally, and that's fantastic, we need to have more trust in the world, a kind of “I'll never throw you away or hurt you” trust, and we can offer that in plenty, but it needn't be the responsibility of a single individual.
Living together with people is tough. Siblings by the time they are teens want to kill each other. Many spouses argue - this may just be due to lack of individual freedom and personal security. If people want to get married, they should get married, cultural traditions are important, but we need to have some guidelines around what happens in a separation. Most importantly, the children absolutely do not move and are not required to travel. Laughably, we could prevent divorce in the first place if couples each had their own spaces. Living apart, together, is healthy because if a relationship ends, as they often do, no physical foundations are compromised. The healthier the attachment, the less violent the separation.
If you've ever read anything on attachment theory, it basically is an entire branch of psychology dedicated to understanding why individuals have attachment issues in relationships, and it's always based on being displaced and then trying to find security in future relationships (“Attached” by Amir Levine, Rachel Heller). It's wonderful that scientifically we understand that, but clearly this is a problem that should not exist in the first place.
Collective rooms would be a lot like hotel rooms. While it's certainly possible to have larger spaces with more amenities like a kitchen, it's not required. In my entire life, I have never felt more connected with people than at a specific company's conferences (not just any company, this was a special group of individuals). We spent all day together - ate meals in communal halls, had coffee together in the morning, worked together, and the only time I went back to my room was at 11pm when I went straight to bed. Each time we had these weeks, it would take me a few days to adjust to the constant socializing, but by the end of the week it felt so natural and my sense of shared respect and belonging was predominant. I don't feel that way at home at all.
Collectives may have a gym, yoga sessions, anything that you could imagine a modern company's campus having, yet plus accommodations. Living in a collective should look & feel a lot like living in a resort. Gardening and landscaping should be one of the collective's priorities. By maintaining the garden health of all the community, we can control the types of birds and insects present. This is an awesome kind of karma: birds and dragonflies eat mosquitos.
In rural collectives, the personal rooms might look like tiny homes and the campus would be spread out over beautiful quiet and peaceful paths. Some people, perhaps 50%, e.g., may be working on the company's product, while everyone else is gardening, cooking, landscaping, teaching, etc.
In the council of a collective are the wisest and most revered. The council serves as the board for all the collective's business, and whose priority is the well being of the citizen habitat. The council works closely with citizens to agree on job placement, and other critical issues.
Conception of a child should be approved by council because this is a delicate matter of great importance. To be considered are, the collective's current population, the population of the world in accordance with government regulations, and the health of the parents.
Infants are a lot of work, and it truly takes a village. When the parents are comfortable, the infant may move to a nursery, where the biological parents are free to spend as much or little time as they like caring for this or any of the infants on a volunteer basis because it will also be the assigned job of one or more citizens to work in the nursary. Caring for children in groups greatly improves the child's sense of security, and also physically improves security in case of death or otherwise absent parent(s). Biological families are great, but we can be just as strong on another level. More strong.
From approximately age 4 - 12 we could have an additional school type of area where, interestingly, children could also live in supervised bunk dorms with each other, not necessarily their parents. Parents like to think that children need them, but it may be true that we need them more. What's important is that they are cared for by family (in this context I am defining the collective as a family), and that we all have special relationships together. Children suffer social issues when they are displaced - from home and school especially, so in this case, they would always stay with their larger family, and we could spare them from the abuses of public school.
From 12 onward, it's conceivable that the child should have their own space. I'm sure I'm not the only person who's lived with a teenager. At this time, the child could move into their own room and simultaneously transition from school to apprenticeship. Learning valuable and tangible skills is paramount at this age. I contend that our high school system is a cesspool of violence and subjects that our children are not interested in. Math, reading, and writing should be incorporated into the given apprenticeship.
Life with strangers is disorienting and unnerving. From a young and critical age, children should live and work with their “pack” to satisfy instinctual security requirements.
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Humans have a natural desire and ambition to climb a ladder. Climbing out of the rat race is kind of a natural fit for us because we are really great at thriving when we suffer. Suffering provides motivation to improve. But as we evolve, we can slide that window. Currently, we have the ability to climb from suffering to security. In rarer cases, self-actualization is possible. But self-actualization should be attainable for everyone, and suffering should not be where we start. Instead, let's start as naive and reverent and work towards being humble and revered.
As adults, we may choose to leave the collective. Perhaps we get married to an outsider, and move to their collective. Perhaps we want to travel. Collectives could choose to welcome guests, providing essentials under the agreement that the guest work in the collective. The guest may come with proof of skill set and request temporary integration. Because we don't pay the guest, it reduces the possibility of systemic abuse. Temporary integration may extend to permanent citizenship.
When permanent collective citizenship is offered to someone, this is a major event, more significant than childbirth, marriage, or just starting a new job - this means that you have a new family. Your new family will be there for you until you die, and there's almost nothing you can do to change that, barring of course you choose to leave, or for some extenuating or extremely rare circumstance. This is an important point: it should not become the norm that individuals are expelled from collectives for social, business or otherwise arbitrary reasons, in fact that violates the entire principle.
Joining a collective is a major commitment on parts of both the individual and collective, and should be treated as such by holding a ceremony.
This is the evolution of marriage.
Such an arrangement will provide individuals with the security and belonging that was, in most ways, the underlying intention of marriage. But now, in a much more complex world, and with longer life spans, we evolve, and fascinatingly decouple the equation of sex and security.